How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
