I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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