On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
