so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
