i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she smelled like a LAN party
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My life is pants optional.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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