Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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