Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she looked like the before picture.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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