Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
