i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
