I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize