I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
