i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
