It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
