Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
