What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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