I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize