i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
