i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
