i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
