he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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