Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She bit a glass in half.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
