so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
