your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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