If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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