I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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