made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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