I just threw up on my dentist
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
