i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We left the knife in your bed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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