are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
