Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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