I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
