She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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