Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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