What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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