I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
