there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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