yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
