i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
