I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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