i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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