im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
two words: eviction party
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
