her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
