he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
