Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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