Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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