Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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