at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
