So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
