don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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