Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
