it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
