dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
