Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
