What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
