matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
