youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Still dying that you shit outside
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
