There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
