Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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