My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
