if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
