hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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