I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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