put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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