also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
