Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
