Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
